Sir Cosmo Duff Gordon, Titanic survivor

Isn’t it interesting that years afterward, our memory still keeps account of things we could have done but failed to do? Like a gnawing toothache, we have a difficult time pushing the pain down and away from our consciousness. Sir Cosmo Duff Gordon went to his death a man pained and haunted by what he could have done.

Sir Cosmo did everything to order, if you look at his well-healed upbringing and social status throughout his life. He married well, joined the right clubs, even won a silver medal in fencing for Great Britain at the 1906 Summer Olympics. His family was well known for producing fine wines. Generally, he was the kind of person any British boy would want to become. But it was during a voyage of the RMS Titanic that added a bit of tarnish to his otherwise glowing reputation.

It seems that on the fateful night of April 14, 1912, his fortune as a first-class passenger became a ticket that whisked him away from the doom which most of the poor steerage passengers met. Cosmo and his wife boarded a lifeboat early in the sinking, taking their personal servants with them. Their lifeboat departed the ship with just twelve or so people aboard, although it could have held thirty or so more. It has been rumored that Cosmo offered bribes for safe passage on the lifeboat.

After watching the ship dive beneath the water, amidst the screams
of the 1,500 people calling for help that they were ignoring, the tactless Lucy, Cosmo’s wife, commented to her secretary, “Where is your beautiful nightdress gone.” Two sailors aboard the boat were heard to say in response, “It’s all right for you, you can get more clothes, but we have lost everything.” Cosmos reportedly gave them money on the spot for their trouble–which would later cause him a life of grief as rumors of a bribe proliferated through the grapevines of their London social circles.

Surviving the incident, Cosmo and Lucy’s marriage would eventually disintegrate, leaving them childless. Cosmo would die of natural causes in 1931, and before her death in 1935, Lucy’s business went bankrupt. It is said that Cosmo held regret to his dying day for the decision made that horrible night.

Rumors are vicious and regret can be amplified when constantly reminded of one’s failure. The pain of failure can stop us in our tracks if we let it. Cosmo may have become a punching bag for family members of those who perished in the Titanic tragedy. It’s easy to blame the Gordons, but what would you or I do in the same circumstance? The best thing we can hope for in the face of challenge is to follow our conscience and to put others first.

This week we remember the crew and passengers of the Titanic during the 100th anniversary of it’s sinking. God bless the memory of those who lost their lives in the frigid waters, and may we learn the lessons taught from that tragic incident so long ago.

The title to this blog isn’t original to me. Its a heart-cry of emotion from a pastor’s wife who, at the point of utter disappointment with all things “church,” decided to leave their place of employment and community.

The story of battle-wounded staff members isn’t unusual, especially in this day of “super church” and high-octane ministry activity. Its one thing for a staff member to leave his/her position, but what about the spouse, the children?

When our family left Mobile in 1997 for North Carolina, we started looking for a new church right away. We hoped to find a small church with a steeple offering a kind-hearted pastor, a small but warm Sunday School class, and a great place to bring the kids for activities during the week. We were disappointed to find that, in spite of the steeples and quaintness, it was impossible to find a suitable church. We ended up partnering with a pastor whom we met within weeks of our arrival. Together we started a new church plant that, thankfully, is still thriving today.

Its so easy to look at small churches and write them off as incapable of meeting the needs of a modern family. We can be so dazzled with bigness that we instantly pass judgement on smaller congregations.

The search for a new church may be in your own backyard, as was our experience this past summer. After leaving a staff position of almost eight years, we were looking to simplify.  Settling back into a routine after a summer of travel and moving my dad to live with us here in Tennessee, we took a chance and visited a small church around the corner. It ended up being the place we kept coming back to; I am now serving there on staff!

This morning Brenda sent me a link to a blog which contained the emotional heart-cry I mentioned earlier. The post is fairly lengthy but a clear window into the heart of a staff person’s spouse and their disappointment with church. Thank God she found a place–a small church–in which her family can find healing and community once again.

You can find her post by clicking here. I pray your Easter was filled with reflection, redemption and joy!

As a resident of Spring Hill, Tennessee, our home is located near a Civil War battlefield. History runs deep here, like roots of an oak tree that anchor into the soil. My great-grandmother was born in Franklin, the county seat of which Spring Hill is a part. Both the Battle of Spring Hill and the Battle of Franklin are stopping points on the trail for Civil War history buffs. As many Americans claim, I had family on both sides of the war. Its an eerie feeling to drive by our local battlefield in Spring Hill and think that hundreds and hundreds of men were strewn out across those grassy knolls, broken, bleeding, suffering and saying their final prayers before meeting their Maker.

Today is a very important day in Civil War history. Exactly 150 years ago on April 6-7, 1862– a couple of hours west of Nashville, on the way to Memphis in Hardin County–Union forces numbering 65,085 and Confederate troops of 44,968 met at at Pittsburg Landing for what is known as the Battle of Shiloh.  The two day engagement produced more than 23,000 casualties and was the bloodiest battle in American history at its time.  Confederate commanders Gen. Albert Sidney Johnston and Gen. P.G.T. Beauregard pounded the Army of the North, but in the end they were no match for  Union commander Maj. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant and his stubborn forces.

Its amazing to think that so many were slaughtered there over two days of fighting. There is a small body of water on the battlefield known as Bloody Pond. Many of the wounded and dying crawled to the edge of the pond for one last gulp of cool water, eventually turning it blood-red. Within the nearly 4,000 acre Shiloh National Military Park is the infamous Hornet’s Nest (so nicknamed for musket balls and shrapnel that filled the air), and the place where mortally-wounded Gen. Albert Sidney Johnston breathed his last.

The carnage at Shiloh most certainly shocked the nation at the time. Ironically, the battle was named for a tiny wooden church on the killing fields called Shiloh Meeting House–which means “House of Peace.”

Two re-enactments are planned in conjunction with the 150th anniversary remembrance, but, out of respect, not on National Park Service grounds. They will involve more than 6,000 participants and more than 100 cannons.

After cutting the front lawn yesterday, I grabbed two fists full of lunch and headed to the backyard patio to devour it. Spring has arrived earlier than usual and my grass-cutting duties always require a cooling off period for me. As I sat with my glass of diet soda, I noticed a tray propped perfectly square and level atop the garden wheelbarrow. Brenda had just cleaned a fresh batch of wool. Sometimes she adds color to the fleece, but this time she left it pure white.

Freshly sheared wool from a sheep has collected everything from the barnyard that will stick to the curly coat. Lanolin, a greasy substance that is naturally generated by the sheep, works its way through the wool, creating a yellowish color that pervades every inch of the animal (helping water to shed easily off it’s back). This concoction of wool and wax is very messy and it smells like a petting zoo. The greatest way to cleanse the fleece, according to wool experts, is to use the dish detergent “Dawn.” It has the properties to dig down into the fibers and release the stubborn wax.  After boiling the dirt and vegetable matter from the fleece of a sheared sheep, it must be laid out to dry in the sun before it can be carded and spun into yarn. Brenda does it all just like in the old days!

I got to thinking about the passage in the Bible from Psalm 51:7 where it says: “Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” Hyssop was used in Biblical times for cleaning. It also had medicinal properties with small blue flowers and aromatic leaves used in perfumery. The process of cleansing our soul is much like a fleece: before we can be knitted or woven into a brand-new item that God can use, we must be scoured, eliminating the dirt and foul odor of sin.

As that beautifully white fleece lay in the noon sun, I am reminded that God cleanses our hearts of sin. Even though the act of cleansing happened when I received Him as my Lord so many years ago, His cleansing work is still active in me. 

Easter is this Sunday, when as the Church we will once again celebrate our risen Savior. Holy Week truly started for me yesterday, as I looked over at that fleece drying on my backyard patio.  

Some news you would rather not hear, like when your accountant lets you know the tax bill for the year, or your wife is stuck in the middle lane during five o’clock traffic and the car won’t start. Then there’s the kind of news that is music to the ears.

Daddy Josh finally make the reveal!

Brenda and I have known this for a few months but have been waiting for my son and his wife to make the announcement first: they are pregnant! And yes, that makes me a grandpa!

There’s nothing more sweet than to have a new addition to the Harvill family this October; that means we will be entertaining a little one by Christmas. We are excited for Josh and Amber and, needless to say, Brenda and I are beside ourselves. I can’t wait to be that guy who bores everyone around with grand-baby pictures. Beware!

Gary and I are very excited to finally get our project out of the studio and into the world! We are putting final touches on a few songs we felt needed some extra special care before released them. We are so pumped, and hope to have it mastered by summer.

Also, I have been working on an instrumental project. It’s been a dream of mine to do a guitar record of my own. I fell in love with Earl Klugh’s music in the late ’70s when I first heard Heartstrings. I always wanted to write and perform songs that moved me like that album did. I also love the prog-rock stylings of ELP, Yes and Kansas, so I’ve written a special song called “Emerald City” in their honor.  Oh, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t add “Amazing Grace”–the studio version of the Allman Brothers-style solo stuff I did at World Outreach Church in January of 2011.

All of these musical flavors have been percolating in my soul for ages, and now it’s my time to mix it up and send out a love letter for the guitar. It will be out soon.

Thanks for your continued encouragement of my playing, singing and writing; I am the most content while creating music. Thanks for hanging in there with my blog posts as well!

This is a shout-out to my fellow Styx fans; I’ve been one since the late ’70s. Having just watched their new blu ray, I’ll have to tell you, it puts them another notch higher in my admiration of the band.

They boldly developed a rather original tour idea for 2011: Styx performing their classic multi-platinum ’70s albums The Grand Illusion and Pieces Of Eight live in their entirety. I saw another favorite group of mine, Cheap Trick, perform via DVD, the Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band in it’s entirety a few years ago. It was great, but it wasn’t their original material. 

Styx’ starts the show with side one of The Grand Illusion. Before the band breaks into the title cut– projected on the overhead screen above the drums–a teenage boy (circa 1978) is shown walking up to the turntable (remember those?) in his bedroom and shuffles through the stack of LPs (those too?) to find The Grand Illusion.  He takes the record out of the sleeve and places it on the turntable, lifts the arm, places it on the outside edge of the spinning disk as Tod Sucherman, Styx‘ current drummer, counts off the song. Of course, as side one ends with “Miss America,” the young boy on the video screen flips the record over to start side two, and so on…

What a great concept! My buddy Gary Sadler saw them during this very concert tour in Florida last year, and was fortunate enough to meet the band backstage. 

Tommy Shaw still looks like a kid. Believe it or not, James “JY” Young turns 63 this year…what? Dennis DeYoung left a few years back, and with Lawrence Gowan taking his place on keys and vocals, I don’t really miss him. Ex-Babys bassist, Ricky Phillips,  does a great job holding down the low-end of things, along with occasional guitar duties. Chuck Panozzo, the original bassist who left for a period of time because of an illness, makes a few cameo appearances on the 4-string throughout the show.

The extras on the disc are also pretty cool. The tour manager and the rest of the support crew are interviewed, giving an up-close look at what goes on back stage (the “G-rated” version, anyway!).

Styx fans need to snag this disc. I also highly recommend the blu ray Styx did a few years back with the Contemporary Youth Orchestra.  Both are filled with great instrumental and vocal performances. Drummer Tod Sucherman will leave you exhausted by the end of each disc…he’s phenomenal!

What a temptation it is to get to where we want to go as quickly as possible. In this age of fast cars, jets and the internet, we can–in a day–zoom all over the world and instantaneously send documents via our computers. The temptation, as I mentioned, is to get places too quickly.

 I heard a sermon yesterday by Matt Roden, a student pastor in our church. He referenced 1 Samuel 22-24 and spoke about the conflict between Saul and David. Saul was incredibly jealous of David. He knew that David would one day become king and take his place, but he held on with a death-grip to the throne. Saul had murderous intent for David and sought him with the help of the royal army. David met up with Saul in a cave as the king was relieving himself (that’s right…using the bathroom). David and his men were fortuitously hiding back further in the cave when Saul entered. The king laid his robe to the side, David sneaked up and quietly cut a portion from it–proof that he could have slayed the jealous king if he were so inclined.

What a temptation it must have been to cut off the head of Saul and carry it outside to show the royal army. David could have hurried the process to the throne, but he knew that God would fulfill that promise in due time; he showed incredible restraint. So eventually, David shows the king the piece of cloth from the garment to prove he would not harm him, even with the opportunity .

The statement from the sermon that really struck me was when Matt said, “When opportunities line-up with our prayers and passion, it is extremely difficult to show restraint.” Though opportunities seem God-intended, we must be wise and ask ourselves the important question before leaping: “What do I have to give up to get this?” Often times we find ourselves, as Matt put it, “…one decision away from losing our integrity, influence, credibility and more opportunity.”

The statement we often hear in advertising is: “this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!” If we jump at every invitation, we might find ourselves falling into a hole at some point. Its better to show restraint, pray, ask for counsel, study the Word, sleep on it, call in the morning, ask your spouse, etc. There’s no short-cutting the process. If God wants us there, He’s capable of getting us there–in due time.

I could eat breakfast for every meal of the day. One of my favorite characters on TV is Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) from NBC’s Parks and Recreation. He has framed photos of bacon and eggs in his office on the show. That’s my kind of decor!

I am so excited today for two things: 1) We are meeting some brand-new friends for lunch, and 2) We are going to meet them at the Loveless Cafe here in Nashville. Loveless is one of the places to bring visitors on their first trip to Music City. It doesn’t have much to do with country music, but just about every country music star has a signed promo picture hanging on the entrance wall, often included are a few handwritten words complimenting the great food.

The unassuming sign out front is a reminder of the cafe’s beginnings. In 1951, Lon and Anne Loveless purchased the Harpeth Valley Tea Room on Highway 100, near the historic Natchez Trace, and renamed it the Loveless Motel and Cafe. The food became the highlight and folks from all around came for the excellent meals the owners cooked up. The place changed hands a few times, but in February 2004, after being purchased by a local restauranteur, the beloved eatery closed its doors for renovations and opened five months later with an expanded dining area; retail shops were made from the former hotel room spaces.

I love to visit every so often with the family. We all fill up on the exquisite biscuits loaded with butter and jam (health food freaks need not visit, nor scorn those who do…we don’t care).  My daughter Betsy was interviewed while visiting the Loveless with friends on a Food Network show a few years back. She said what everybody does: “It’s a great place to eat breakfast!” And who, like me and Ron Swanson, doesn’t like a killer breakfast as often as possible?

It was a new decade. 1980 ushered in more than just a new set of numbers to write on the top line of my bank checks. I was ready for it– or so I thought–when I heard the group Styx proclaim, “Don’t look now, but here come the ’80s!”  from their 1979 song “Borrowed Time.”

In January I received a call from Stan Morse, musical director and arranger for the Columbus, Ohio-based American Entertainment Productions (AEP). I was asked to fetch my guitar, place the phone down and play whatever set of chords or song-pieces he asked for. After apparently passing the audition, I received another call requesting I fly out in just a few days to meet the group at the Toledo airport.

I knew my dream was to be a professional musician, but the sudden opportunity jolted me. My biggest prospect up to that point was to get a proper job since my year as a college student didn’t pan out so well. I had just passed the test to become a school bus driver, and I was ready to start my new phase of life when I received the call from AEP. I took advantage of the few remaining days before my plane left on Sunday to pull together a suitcase and some new clothes. I was 19-years-old, for goodness sake–the wet behind my ears was still glistening, and I was leaving home for the first time.

The gentleman who eventually hired me said the group would be on the road for at least six months before any break was possible. My heart sank–I wouldn’t see my family for a long time.

The one time I took a plane trip by myself was the previous summer, when I flew to visit a friend in Colorado Springs. Now, a few months later, I was standing in the nearly-deserted Toledo airport with my guitar, waiting for my luggage to appear on the conveyor belt. I stood there with a lump in my throat, not knowing that my family back home in Fullerton were also having a tough time adjusting to the cyclone that just blew through our lives.

I made a seamless transition into road life over the next several weeks as we zig-zag’d across the US several times in a van. By March we all boarded an international flight to perform for the USO in Iceland and Germany. I was taking large leaps into the big unknown. My eyes, ears and heart were filling with new sights, cultures,  accents and landscapes. I was creating what would one day become cherished experiences and life-long friendships.

There we are on Harrah’s marquee: Sunshine Express with The Raisers!

By year’s end, the news of John Lennon’s assassination was a constant presence on the lounge TV at Harrah’s Lake Tahoe. We were booked there as the opening act for two different week-long runs: one with the great ’60s band, Paul Revere and the Raiders; the second with blues legend B.B. King. What a mind-blowing experience that was–going from almost becoming a school bus driver to playing music professionally, meeting stars and letting a stagehand roll my amp into place. I was ready to see how the new decade could surprise me any more. Dennis DeYoung  of Styx was right: the 80s ushered in what would change my life forever.