It’s sad to witness a family falling apart. On the Orange County Chopper TV show, with it’s stars Paul Teutul Sr. and Paul Jr., we have, like voyeurs, watched them fighting over business matters for the past three years. This new season shows the Teutuls making an attempt to heal the rift through building a bike together. I felt like cringing every time I’d hear the disrespect, from both sides, in the form of fiery comments to the camera, as if the camera crew were arbitrators in the on-going battle.

Last night, as Brenda and I sat with my dad for dinner, I asked him if he has good memories of his father. He said that he never really knew his dad and that, as far as he remembered, he wasn’t home very much. When he was home, my dad continued, it was to sleep-off a late-night drinking marathon. I feel bad for my father because he never had that opportunity to hang out with his pop like I have been blessed to do with mine.

After all is said and done, our families are the core of our lives. I couldn’t imagine a life without clear communication, love and trust between those in my family. So much of who I am is wrapped up in being a husband and a father. My greatest memories are of reading to my kids as we cozied up in their beds after bath time. If I made a mistake with a show of anger, I always tried to say I was sorry.

Tomorrow, Brenda and I will make an early morning trip to Murfreesboro where, in a local hospital, our first grand baby will be delivered by C-section. Pop will be with us, too. That will make four generations of Harvills in that hospital, when Josh and Amber’s Norah Charlotte finally arrives.

Brenda and I weren’t perfect parents. I especially lost my patience more than a couple of times, and in the heat of frustration, I most certainly said some regrettable things. But I am proud of the way Josh and Betsy have turned out, in spite of my failings. I see the way they treat their spouses with love and through servant-hood. I hope my love for their mother was an inspiration to them.

I pray the forth generation of Harvills carries on the legacy that my parents and Brenda’s parents started back before she and I were born. On both sides, there were broken marriages, but our parents were determined to change all that.

I feel for broken families. Its not too late to make a change, to take a u-turn and come together as families. I believe my wife, kids, grand kids and extended family are, next to God, everything.

Writing is hard. It’s like writing songs: you rewrite over and over again, and when you think everything is fine, there’s still a need for revision. I am, what you might call, an avid reader, so I know what great writing tends to look like. The tough part is that what I think–or should I say–the way my brain composes sentences, isn’t particularly kosher with grammar nerds. By the way, if it weren’t for the spellchecker on my Mac, I would be in serious trouble. 

I wouldn’t call my wife and editor, Brenda, a nerd, but she has a mighty fine eye for poor grammar, due to her excellent private school education. Can I blame my lame writing skills on the fact that I grew up in Southern California during a particularly lax period when my public school system thought it intrusive to actually fail students with poor writing skills? How would I know then that I’d grow up and want to be a writer?

Kids don’t usually have the forethought when it comes to their health or good writing and math skills. We trash our bodies with doughnuts and candy bars until, in our 40s, we get a bad report from the doctor. Only then do we kick into high gear and change our slothful eating habits. As kids we look at our report cards and chuckle, thinking we’ll never use those skills we learned (or didn’t learn) in real life. Well, I’m here to tell you–yes, all you kindergarten students just starting your first few weeks of school.–PAY ATTENTION!

I wish I had taken seriously my English teacher in Jr. High who said good grammar is the foundation for a good life. Well, maybe I wouldn’t go that far, but I will admit that learning good grammar habits will save you the grief I’ve experienced since deciding to become a writer. Even in the case of writing songs,  verb and subject agreement still applies. On a side note, if you’re going to write worship songs, take a few classes on theology in college: it helps when you get that right, too!

So, with all of this push-back when it comes to writing, why do I still want to sit here at my Mac and pound through another blog post, work on a book or write another song? I mean…who is really reading or listening? My answer is: It doesn’t matter. I am compelled–simply put! I love the process, and will keep writing until either my hands wither up from arthritis or I die and my cold hands lay frozen on this keyboard–God forbid!

Please work with me here–I”m probably going to misspell a few words, and will certainly abuse grammar now and then, but I’m going to say what’s on my heart. No matter how difficult the process, here I go again. And, oh, thanks for reading!

I wasn’t surprised to see on the Tennessean newspaper’s front page this past Sunday morning a prominent photo and headline of one of my favorite country artists, Marty Stuart. If you’ve been reading my blog for the past two years, you already know about my fascination with this guy.

Photo by Anthony Scarlati

Yes, his music is what I like to listen to. Yes, I am a sucker for his Saturday night TV show on the RFD-TV network–probably because it’s got an old-school Porter Wagoner Show look, due to the fact that Directv doesn’t broadcast it in HD yet.

All of this pales to the fact that the music coming out of my TV speakers during the show each week is fresh. This is ironic since many of the music styles Stuart leans on hale from late 60s/ early 70s. The Fabulous Superlatives, Marty’s band, are creating killer music, and everyone from Shooter Jennings to Emmylou Harris to Merle Haggard have made an appearance on the show. Everybody seems to be paying attention! That’s why I wasn’t surprised to see the front page Sunday.

Marty has enjoyed a remarkable career. In 1972, as a 13-year-old fresh out of Philadelphia, Mississippi, he was invited to play mandolin with the Lester Flatt bluegrass band. As he got older and his playing matured, he was introduced to all of the bad things that many a young musician finds along the road: drugs and too much alcohol. His career took a huge step forward when, in October 1989, his solo record “Hillbilly Rock” started climbing the charts. He spent most of the 90s releasing hit records and enjoying “star” status. After a while, country music headed in a different direction, leaving Stuart and many other artist clamoring for a career. That’s when Marty went to his old friend and former boss, Johnny Cash, for some advise. From  Peter Cooper’s interview in Sunday’s Tennessean, Marty explained,

“I said (to Cash), ‘I can’t seem to get my hand on the brass ring down­town,’ ” he says. “He  (Cash) said, ‘There ain’t no brass ring, and if there is and if you get it, what have you got?’

Another pivotal conversation  spawned one more of many “aha” moments. Stuart was troubled with the state of traditional country music and expressed:

“I thought, our culture’s slip­ping away,” he says. “I thought, ‘The music itself is fast fading.’ I had a talk with
(gospel music kingpin) Bill Gaither, and he said, ‘If you love your culture and stand by it when nobody else does, you become the go-to guy for your culture, because of your love.’ ” 

Since then, Marty has taken a lonely road but one that proved to be exactly the best direction he could have steered his career. Now he is the go-to guy for traditional music.

My take-away from Marty Stuart and his amazing story is this: When you’re not invited to the party, throw your own! In doing so we may find that, 1) everyone’s waiting for someone else to make the move, and 2) the music business needs a brave soul to step out and take a chance with passion, determination and class with music they love. Chances are there are thousands of fans just waiting to throw their hard-earned money down on you and your music.

An alternate title for this piece could be “careful casting,” because it’s important to employ the most suitable persons to complete any given project, including movies, music, home fix-it folks, relationships–you name it.

I’ve watched a boatload of blu ray special features in my time and have heard several directors say that they carefully cast their actors. This means the director and staff carefully look into hundreds of photos, audition tapes and have several meetings to fill a role with the perfect actor, who embodies the specific skills to get the job done. Chemistry is important among the actors in film, too, to project authenticity on the screen. That way when the movie hits theaters, it has the greatest chance of being financially and critically successful.

To illustrate this in my world of music production, I have been putting together some song demos for a client. I arranged one of the songs in the style of one of my favorite country artists, Emmylou Harris. I am well aware that the “Emmylou sound” is very particular in that I was going to require a very specific singer to pull off the lead vocal. I knew who to call. And when I did, she wasn’t immediately available to come in and record the part. I could have found someone else, who I would have ended up frustrating and who would have ended up frustrating me. The job would have barely been completed, if even done at all. I would have wasted time, money and energy trying to cram an otherwise wonderful singer into a roll that was unsuitable for them. In this way, nobody is happy when the day is done.

Long story short…Heather came over last night to sing and knocked the ball out of the park! We even had plenty of time to do some killer background vocals.

Like I stated earlier, to get the job done, we must be very careful to use the most suitable person for the job. Sometimes we bring in the wrong person and, when the result is negative, we blame them. Well, the blame should be put on us because we tried to force a proverbial right shoe on a left foot and expected them to dance like a ballerina!

We must take the time to find the right person for the job. It really is more of a reflection on we as team leaders, producers, directors, project managers,  business owners, etc., than on those we choose. “Careful casting” is also imperative when searching for a marriage partner. Sometimes, like actors, our prospective mate may say they can ride horses and shoot guns like John Wayne, only to find that they’ve never even been three feet from a horse in their lives. Poor decision making creates bad movies and bad marriages. Careful choosing helps avoid painful losing.

After tossing and turning last night, I resorted to perusing my iPad. Waiting in my email box was a weekly installment from “In the Studio with Redbeard,” containing an interview with the classic rock band Kansas and their thoughts on the 35th anniversary of their mega-successful record, “Point of Know Return.”

Kerry Livgren–co-founder, principle songwriter, lead guitarist and former member of Kansas–remembered the road to fame in an audio portion from the “In the Studio” website. When asked about the rise to success after the band’s beginnings in Topeka, Kansas, Livgren said,

“You know, success is harder to live with than the road getting to it, I thought. We lived in some amazing poverty, and we had a really rough road–and people thought we were making all this money…All of a sudden that changed, rather abruptly and dramatically. All of a sudden we had everything we ever wanted just tossed in our lap. You know you’ve had this pie-in-the-sky dream for like ten years and all of a sudden here you are–you got it! What do you do next? You know, that’s a hard thing to deal with in your life–it really is–’cause when you’ve got a direction, that’s great. But when you get to the destination, you no longer have a direction, you’re there–and that’s real tough.”

This past week I had the pleasure of attending the Global Leadership Summit at the Franklin campus of The People’s Church, an annual simulcast from the Chicago-area Willow Creek Association. So many excellent speakers took the stage over the two-day conference. My favorite was Patrick Lencioni’s session (apparently, he is the favorite of most everyone, according to answers to exit questionnaires). He said that every organization must ask themselves six critical questions–and I believe we as individuals must do the same,

“Why do we exist? How do we behave? What can we
actually do? How do we succeed? What is most important in our
organization right now? Who must do what?”

If we continually answer these questions as individuals, and live our lives in response, then our goals are always alive. I would restate these questions as a continual goal-setting activity as follows:

1. Why do I exist? (To life for and bring glory to God).
2. How do I behave? (Purpose to live out the life-principles found in the Word of God–the Bible).
3. What can I actually do? (Seek God’s purposes for my life in light of my particular gifts, talents and passion).
4. How do I succeed? (Create specific, attainable and measurable goals in light of the preceding three directives).
5, What is most important in my life now? (The ever-present values of God and family first never change, but with life seasons, always adjust to the immanent priorities in life while setting boundaries to protect myself from the “tyranny of the urgent”).
6. What must I do? (In the same light of directive number five, I must learn that there is only so much I myself can accomplish; there maybe others more suitable to do certain things. Understanding our limitations may dictate what the “next” will be. I must work alongside others to attain my goals).

I want to continually grow and set new, fresh goals. It’s a sad day for some who feel they’ve already hit their glory days. Not me–I’m still rockin’!